Lotus (44) used crack for the first time in 2006 on a sex date. When he started buying his own drugs, he started to slide.

“In 2006, I came into contact with an attractive man on the internet. After a few hours of chatting, the evening ended with a sex date at his place. There, he offered me crack, which I refused. I didn’t have any experience with drugs and didn’t know that you could smoke coke. On our second date, I finally gave in. The rush after that first hit was overwhelming. It cannot be described in words. I felt like the ‘king of the world’, untouchable, and super sexy. Sex under the influence of crack is extremely groundbreaking and numbs all the pain sensors. We went completely crazy. My attraction to this man became obsessive. In the meantime, I got a new relationship, and I quickly introduced him to using basecoke. After that, we three of us had sex that went on for days.

One day, the man told me that he was having financial issues. He would always buy the drugs and now asked me to approach his dealer. Looking back, owning that phone number the harbinger of my decline. I started using much more often, but this was not yet at the expense of other things. But when my relationship ended, my use increased. Under the influence, I couldn’t temporarily stop. Before the last high ended, the next pipe lay ready. I was increasingly using alone and I had days-long sex with anonymous contacts that I met through dating apps. Things had to change, so I sought help. After two intakes in addiction clinics, I fell back. I hit rock bottom. I had to sell my house as a result of a financial debt of seventeen thousand euros. I also spent some time on sick leave and I lost my job. The contact and trust with friends and family became badly damaged.

Luckily, my third detox intakes and long treatment in 2022 was successful. I am now one and a half years drug-free It’s going well. I live in anti-squatter housing, far removed from the city. A month ago, I started after after care therapy, but I still attend meetings. I believe wholeheartedly in the twelve-step plan. This keeps me going. I used to have no self-love or self-esteem whatsoever. I never learned what compassion actually was. Under the influence, I was a monster. Everything had to give way for my sex fantasies. Now I give advice to fellows and professionals. That’s very satisfying to me. My use ended in hell, but I see a bright future ahead”